The Journal

Issue date: 11/17/05 Section: Sports

Tom Parr

Media Credit: Natalie Malone

A brief list of those in attendance at last week's men's and women's conference final soccer victories: four teams, six refs, athletic directors, parents, toddlers, at least 80 intoxicated Greenville and Maryville fans, cameramen, reporters and more Webster fans than I've seen all season (so, about 20 then).

So what/who was noticeably missing from one of the most prolific and dominant days in recent Webster sports history?

Well I'll give you a hint: it has the horns of a fierce buffalo, the paws of a speeding cheetah and the face of a dependable St. Bernard.

Of course it's the Gorlok (or El Gorlok-orino, if you're into the whole brevity thing). I was sure this would be the day that our mighty yellow beast would emerge from his/her lair, deep in the hills west of Herculanuem, surfacing to silence those sauced up Greenville and Maryville fans as they waved kitchen utensils in the air and beat on a snare drum.

I waited patiently as the first half wound down and the Gorlok was still M.I.A.

I started considering the reasons for his/her absence.

"Maybe the Gorlok is stuck in traffic," I thought. But that couldn't be, I determined - what, with the whole speeding cheetah paw thing.

"Perhaps he/she is kicking the hell out of some rowdy visiting fans in the parking lot - goring them with his/her fierce buffalo horns." A quick check of the parking lot proved that theory wrong too.

"Well he/she wouldn't just not show up - hello, dependable St. Bernard!" Unfortunately this I yelled.

I was surprised how poorly I was taking it. He/she is just a mythical beast and from what I've learned in my roots of religion class, mythical beasts are notoriously undependable. I had to pull myself together, then out of the corner of my eye I saw something. Slowly I turned my head towards the glowing yellow bulk to my left - "It's him! Slash her!" I screamed.

Blinded by my longing for the creature I mistook a yellow 2004 Volkswagen Beetle for the Gorlok, an honest oversight considering my state at the time.

Desperate and confused, I turned my attention back to the game just in time to see Webster's game winning goal with 12.9 seconds left in overtime.

Afterward I wandered over to the women's game still with hope that I might get to see the magnificent beast. Of course he/she never came and the women went on to win, and I've got to tell you, I started feeling bad for the Gorlok. He/she missed two really great games. Come to think of it, the Gorlok missed an entire season of great games. Dependable my ass.

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