2008 Woodie Awards
The ambassador
By: Matt Majikas
Issue date: 12/1/05 Section: Sports
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Next season our beloved St. Louis Intercollegiate Athletic Conference (SLIAC) is undergoing a bit of a makeover, welcoming two new teams: Lincoln Christian and Eureka Colleges. I cannot help but wonder what overbearing effect, (if any at all) this will have on our already competitive conference.
There's is no reason why a men's basketball SLIAC championship showdown next season between Webster and Eureka can't evolve into a rivalry. And Division III teams are just giddy with excitement over possibly joining the most prestigious conference in Division III sports (debatable). But let's figure out what is wrong with the SLIAC.
To address this we need a worthy adversary, a SLIAC ambassador. Since I am completely unbiased, (cough) I will take on a temporary ambassador title and rearrange the social status of the SLIAC.
My first order of business - the officiating. My Gorlok craziness was at an all time high last season during the women's and men's basketball SLIAC Tournament Championship games. Voice completely shot and a headache wider than the Mississippi, I almost had a stroke while watching the men's game. Like it was yesterday, Kaniela Aiona was fighting for position on the block with a big ogre from Blackburn. A left clothesline to Kani's back virtually lifted him off the ground and the whistle stayed right in that zebra's mouth. I emphatically voiced my disagreement with the ref and almost became the Gorlok crazy who dwelled in the parking lot for the rest of the second half.
The women's soccer SLIAC Championship game was disgraced yet again by a ref when senior leader and defensive catalyst Adrienne Pohlmann was red carded after retaliating for a cheap shot by a "bush league" Maryville player. So because Adrienne laid this woman out and put her in her place, why does the attacker get off clean? You all would have loved to see Nancy Kerrigan stop crying, limp onto the ice and elbow drop Tonya Harding. The Gorloks played the rest of the game without their star defender and still managed to bring home a title.
Sure, bad calls happen. But why were the cellulite infested meatheads from Blackburn allowed to ream Scott Spinner every time he dribbled past them without any reprimanding? Three steps onto the floor while the ball was on the other end. Verbally assaulting players and not a word from a single ref on that floor. Thus my next order of business will be making sure that all Blackburn fans are placed in large metal cages where they will be confined for the duration of whatever SLIAC event they are attending. Maybe we will let them out during half time, on a leash of course.
Now I must relinquish my ambassador status in hopes that good things come to the SLIAC. Except for refs, Blackburn fans and "bush league" Maryville soccer players.
There's is no reason why a men's basketball SLIAC championship showdown next season between Webster and Eureka can't evolve into a rivalry. And Division III teams are just giddy with excitement over possibly joining the most prestigious conference in Division III sports (debatable). But let's figure out what is wrong with the SLIAC.
To address this we need a worthy adversary, a SLIAC ambassador. Since I am completely unbiased, (cough) I will take on a temporary ambassador title and rearrange the social status of the SLIAC.
My first order of business - the officiating. My Gorlok craziness was at an all time high last season during the women's and men's basketball SLIAC Tournament Championship games. Voice completely shot and a headache wider than the Mississippi, I almost had a stroke while watching the men's game. Like it was yesterday, Kaniela Aiona was fighting for position on the block with a big ogre from Blackburn. A left clothesline to Kani's back virtually lifted him off the ground and the whistle stayed right in that zebra's mouth. I emphatically voiced my disagreement with the ref and almost became the Gorlok crazy who dwelled in the parking lot for the rest of the second half.
The women's soccer SLIAC Championship game was disgraced yet again by a ref when senior leader and defensive catalyst Adrienne Pohlmann was red carded after retaliating for a cheap shot by a "bush league" Maryville player. So because Adrienne laid this woman out and put her in her place, why does the attacker get off clean? You all would have loved to see Nancy Kerrigan stop crying, limp onto the ice and elbow drop Tonya Harding. The Gorloks played the rest of the game without their star defender and still managed to bring home a title.
Sure, bad calls happen. But why were the cellulite infested meatheads from Blackburn allowed to ream Scott Spinner every time he dribbled past them without any reprimanding? Three steps onto the floor while the ball was on the other end. Verbally assaulting players and not a word from a single ref on that floor. Thus my next order of business will be making sure that all Blackburn fans are placed in large metal cages where they will be confined for the duration of whatever SLIAC event they are attending. Maybe we will let them out during half time, on a leash of course.
Now I must relinquish my ambassador status in hopes that good things come to the SLIAC. Except for refs, Blackburn fans and "bush league" Maryville soccer players.