2008 Woodie Awards
Election '06: How to earn my vote
If one of these jokers want this vote they need to prove it
By: Tom Parr
Issue date: 11/9/06 Section: Sports
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As of this very moment, the race for U.S. Senator between Claire McCaskill (D) and Jim Talent (R) will have been won. Regardless of the outcome, I for one have become tired of the nasty path that leads our leaders to the capitol. This has been a no-holds barred campaign from both candidates - each spending millions from their campaign war-chests in hopes of smearing their opposition and collecting our precious, precious vote. Debates, TV ads, lawn placards and radio spots have battered my senses since mid-August and in the spirit of the season - I desire change.
Not being a political pundit or really very smart at all - I decided that the only way for a guy like me to decide between these two slur junkies would be to have them compete in the area I know best - athletics.
I decided to organize a series of events between the two candidates. The idea being that the one who wowed me with their athletic prowess would get my vote. This may seem like a very sophomoric way a making such a crucial decision - and it is. But I am not a sophomore (although I was four years ago) so, in my head, we play on.
Each candidate would select an event while, a third and fin-ultimate challenge would be chosen by myself and newly appointed Head of Instant Emissary Athletic Trials (I-EAT) Larry Baden.
I approached the two candidates after a mid-October debate in hope of recruiting them for my "Trip-to-Fall Triptathlon." I'd already reserved some time in the quad for the challenge and after some swift talk and two secret promises to "deliver" Webster to each candidate - the games were on.
Talent, staying true to his Missouri roots, chose the Show-Me- State traditional backyard game of washers. McCaskill, though familiar with the game, did have some confusion regarding the redundancy and pointlessness of the game. "Why keep shelling such small targets for such minimal gain - this reminds me of something," McCaskill observed.
The first few hurls from both tossers were a little off target. Talent's washers kept landing far to the right of the cup, while McCaskill's ventured slightly left.
Not being a political pundit or really very smart at all - I decided that the only way for a guy like me to decide between these two slur junkies would be to have them compete in the area I know best - athletics.
I decided to organize a series of events between the two candidates. The idea being that the one who wowed me with their athletic prowess would get my vote. This may seem like a very sophomoric way a making such a crucial decision - and it is. But I am not a sophomore (although I was four years ago) so, in my head, we play on.
Each candidate would select an event while, a third and fin-ultimate challenge would be chosen by myself and newly appointed Head of Instant Emissary Athletic Trials (I-EAT) Larry Baden.
I approached the two candidates after a mid-October debate in hope of recruiting them for my "Trip-to-Fall Triptathlon." I'd already reserved some time in the quad for the challenge and after some swift talk and two secret promises to "deliver" Webster to each candidate - the games were on.
Talent, staying true to his Missouri roots, chose the Show-Me- State traditional backyard game of washers. McCaskill, though familiar with the game, did have some confusion regarding the redundancy and pointlessness of the game. "Why keep shelling such small targets for such minimal gain - this reminds me of something," McCaskill observed.
The first few hurls from both tossers were a little off target. Talent's washers kept landing far to the right of the cup, while McCaskill's ventured slightly left.
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