2008 Woodie Awards
A conversation with an HIV-positive person
By: Lanz Christian Banes
Issue date: 11/30/06 Section: AIDS awareness day at Webster
- Page 1 of 1
The AIDS epidemic, now 25 years old, affects all people from all walks of life, including those at Webster University. The following is from an interview with a 21-year-old senior male, student at Webster. He identifies himself as gay and is in a monogamous relationship. In September 2006, he tested positive for HIV. At one point, his T cell count was 192; at 200, a person is considered to have developed AIDS. However, thanks to medication, his new count is now at 346 (600-1,200 is considered normal) and his viral load count (amount of virus present) is down from 950,000 to 913.
Q: When was the last time you got tested?
At least a year and a half ago, maybe two years. I got it before I started dating (my boyfriend, 24). I don't know who I got (the virus) from.
Q: Did you think you were going to test positive?
It was in the back of my mind. A lot of my friends are HIV positive, so it's always around me. I wasn't sure what to expect because it had been so long since I had a test. I didn't want to get an answer in my mind; when it did come, it was jarring.
Q: Were you by yourself or alone?
Alone. The counselors at Planned Parenthood explained it to me for 30 minutes when all I wanted to do was leave.
Q: What did you do after you found out?
I called my mom and my boyfriend. It was about 2 p.m., so my boyfriend came home from work and so did my mom. I cried a lot.
Q: How did you feel?
I don't think I could put any one emotion on it; my mind was blank. I was upset, angry - every single stage of grief happened at one time.
Q: How did your mom react?
My mom was like "Oh Jesus." She was really supportive of it and so was my boyfriend; I didn't have a negative experience.
Q: Did your boyfriend get tested?
He also was positive. Mine is more advanced than his. I (unknowingly) gave it to him, which is probably the hardest part. It's different when you know you have something that kills you, but when you give someone that same fate, it's hard to deal with.
Q: How did it affect your relationship with your boyfriend?
In the few weeks after that, we fought a lot. We almost ended our relationship, but we talked it out and we've been in a good place.
Q: What medication are you on?
I take only one pill a day, Atripla. Researchers figured out how to take the three best existing drugs and turn it into one. Insurance takes care of most of it - it's $1,500 for a 30-day supply. I pay about $56 (of the $1,500).
Q: How has this changed your life?
I'm more aware of my health situation. I try to eat better and try to stay more physically fit so my immune system stays up. I'm more distracted. I try not to let it take too much of my mind, or I'll go insane. It made me appreciate a lot more things. It made me not take things for granted anymore - or less than I did before. I had petty differences that I resolved.
Q: How has this affected you physically?
On Election Night (Nov. 7), I had a fever and I went to bed coughing. I had pneumonia - I was scared to death; (Pneumocystis jiroveci pneumonia) is the leading cause of death for those with HIV/AIDS. Until I went to the hospital and found out it was the "nice" pneumonia, I thought it'd be the end of my life.
Q: Are you scared of dying?
Up until that night, I thought I accepted that I would die earlier than I originally thought, but I was pretty scared when it was happening. I'm still adjusting.
Q: What are you afraid of?
I'm constantly paranoid I missed a dose of my medication. (If I do), the virus will learn what it is (making the drug ineffectual), and I will have to start a cocktail. My worst fear is losing my insurance and not being able to afford pills anymore. One of my friends lost his insurance. Within two weeks, he had AIDS and within six weeks he was dead. It's not a disease that kills you quietly. You look like crap and you're in pain. That would be my worst-case scenario: not having anyone there.
Note: HIV is constantly mutating and adapting to medication, which is what has made it difficult to develop a vaccine or cure.
Q: How do you deal with it?
I have a bunch of friends who are positive - one friend found out a month before I did, so we had the same emotions at the same time. I'm lucky in having a great support system. I just try to live my life. There's not a whole lot I can do - just hope for the best. If I don't live my life normally, I'll go crazy.
Q: Anything else you want to say?
It's something everyone knows about, but until it hits so close to home, then it's not real - that's the biggest problem of this disease. It happens to people; it can happen to anyone.
Q: When was the last time you got tested?
At least a year and a half ago, maybe two years. I got it before I started dating (my boyfriend, 24). I don't know who I got (the virus) from.
Q: Did you think you were going to test positive?
It was in the back of my mind. A lot of my friends are HIV positive, so it's always around me. I wasn't sure what to expect because it had been so long since I had a test. I didn't want to get an answer in my mind; when it did come, it was jarring.
Q: Were you by yourself or alone?
Alone. The counselors at Planned Parenthood explained it to me for 30 minutes when all I wanted to do was leave.
Q: What did you do after you found out?
I called my mom and my boyfriend. It was about 2 p.m., so my boyfriend came home from work and so did my mom. I cried a lot.
Q: How did you feel?
I don't think I could put any one emotion on it; my mind was blank. I was upset, angry - every single stage of grief happened at one time.
Q: How did your mom react?
My mom was like "Oh Jesus." She was really supportive of it and so was my boyfriend; I didn't have a negative experience.
Q: Did your boyfriend get tested?
He also was positive. Mine is more advanced than his. I (unknowingly) gave it to him, which is probably the hardest part. It's different when you know you have something that kills you, but when you give someone that same fate, it's hard to deal with.
Q: How did it affect your relationship with your boyfriend?
In the few weeks after that, we fought a lot. We almost ended our relationship, but we talked it out and we've been in a good place.
Q: What medication are you on?
I take only one pill a day, Atripla. Researchers figured out how to take the three best existing drugs and turn it into one. Insurance takes care of most of it - it's $1,500 for a 30-day supply. I pay about $56 (of the $1,500).
Q: How has this changed your life?
I'm more aware of my health situation. I try to eat better and try to stay more physically fit so my immune system stays up. I'm more distracted. I try not to let it take too much of my mind, or I'll go insane. It made me appreciate a lot more things. It made me not take things for granted anymore - or less than I did before. I had petty differences that I resolved.
Q: How has this affected you physically?
On Election Night (Nov. 7), I had a fever and I went to bed coughing. I had pneumonia - I was scared to death; (Pneumocystis jiroveci pneumonia) is the leading cause of death for those with HIV/AIDS. Until I went to the hospital and found out it was the "nice" pneumonia, I thought it'd be the end of my life.
Q: Are you scared of dying?
Up until that night, I thought I accepted that I would die earlier than I originally thought, but I was pretty scared when it was happening. I'm still adjusting.
Q: What are you afraid of?
I'm constantly paranoid I missed a dose of my medication. (If I do), the virus will learn what it is (making the drug ineffectual), and I will have to start a cocktail. My worst fear is losing my insurance and not being able to afford pills anymore. One of my friends lost his insurance. Within two weeks, he had AIDS and within six weeks he was dead. It's not a disease that kills you quietly. You look like crap and you're in pain. That would be my worst-case scenario: not having anyone there.
Note: HIV is constantly mutating and adapting to medication, which is what has made it difficult to develop a vaccine or cure.
Q: How do you deal with it?
I have a bunch of friends who are positive - one friend found out a month before I did, so we had the same emotions at the same time. I'm lucky in having a great support system. I just try to live my life. There's not a whole lot I can do - just hope for the best. If I don't live my life normally, I'll go crazy.
Q: Anything else you want to say?
It's something everyone knows about, but until it hits so close to home, then it's not real - that's the biggest problem of this disease. It happens to people; it can happen to anyone.
Be the first to comment on this story