The Journal

Issue date: 4/12/07 Section: Opinion/Editorial

Anthony Sodd.

My intention in this paper is not to slander the great state of Indiana. My intention, as any logical person will see, is to populate the Dakotas, and solve the flooding issues associated with global warming to create another pristine great lake for our children to play in.


America is in trouble and needs a martyr; I nominate Indiana. If global warming continues as expected, it will flood large, heavily populated, much-loved places around the United States. Imagine a United States without New York, Los Angeles or Miami. We've already lost New Orleans, and who knows what's next?


My plan is to dig out the entire state of Indiana, creating another great lake. By doing so, the water produced from melting polar icecaps will be diverted from our important cities to Lake Hoosier. The time has come when we must choose: lose our eastern seaboard, home to tens of millions of people, or lose Indiana, home to six million farmers who pride themselves in the title Hoosiers. Presented with the option of loosing New York, Boston, Miami and Los Angeles, or gaining another great lake, the answer is clear. Besides, would you miss Indiana? I won't.


The program to dig out the state of Indiana would be comparable to Roosevelt's New Deal, creating thousands of jobs for unemployed Indianans. The lake would further stimulate our economy by connecting the great lakes with the Ohio River and ultimately the Mississippi River and the Gulf of Mexico. This would make it more cost effective to ship our goods from cities like Detroit, Cleveland and Chicago to overseas destinations and would ultimately make American goods more competitive in a world market.


The next challenge would be relocating 6 million inhabitants of Indiana. This problem is easily solved by looking westward to the sparsely populated Dakotas. The entire combined population of the Dakotas is around 1.5 million people, a space that large could easily handle an influx of 6 million people. (Then we can trade the Dakota's to the Canadians for Toronto and Vancouver.)


The Great Hoosier Lake that is created will become a national landmark and a testament to American ingenuity and hard work. It will create a beautiful place for our children to learn to swim, sail and fish. How does the continued existence of Indiana benefit the next generation as is? It doesn't.


Before dismissing this admittedly radical plan, think of your children who will never be able to see the Statue of Liberty, Boston Harbor or Miami Beach because our generation doesn't have what it takes to make hard choices. Your kids, or anyone for that matter, won't miss the Indianapolis 500 or Notre Dame.


The choice is clear. Indiana must go to save our country and protect our way of life. I'm sure the good, patriotic people of Indiana will be happy to drop their plows and donate their tractors to the cause of a better America- an Indiana-free America.

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