The Journal

Issue date: 10/11/07 Section: Opinion/Editorial

If you were at the Webster Groves campus Oct. 2, you probably came home with a small green New Testament. If you're like me, it was against your will.

I have nothing against Jesus or even aging men in tweed Newsboy caps, but the Day of Gideons at Webster can, I think, test even the most devout Christian.

The Gideons cover the main intersections, Big Bend Boulevard and Edgar Road, Edgar Road and Garden Avenue. Sometimes they even station someone in front of Emerson Library, in case a student was trying a zigzag maneuver in order to avoid the crosswalks.

At first glance, these fogies look harmless, but as you get closer, they lock their eyes on you with a Kung-Fu grip. You start making plans. Plan A: smile and say "No, thank-you." Plan B: tell him you already have a Bible, that you read it by firelight before bed each night. Plan C: avert your eyes and act like you can't hear shit.

"For you," he says, as he hands you the little green book.

"No thanks," you say. But his hand remains stationary.

"Please take it," he says.

"I already have one at home," you say.

Then you make the mistake of looking him in the eye. He looks at you sternly, as if to say, "Is this how you treat your grandfather?" The Gideons are mind freaks!

Everyone seems to resort to Plan C. The Gideons refuse to take "no" for an answer to such an extent that most people just grab one to use like a cross against a vampire for the rest of the day's commute. If they see you've got one in tow, they smile knowingly. Like you're a member of the club or something.

I think this sort of evangelism is the biggest turn-off. I think it takes Christianity a few steps back, like that Paula Abdul song. It's condescending, intrusive and obnoxious.

They have to get permission to do this every year, and every year somebody apparently gives it to them. I recently heard that the city of Webster Groves allows them to be here, and the sidewalks where they set up camp are considered public property.

As an employee for Residential Life for four years, I have seen countless individuals threatened and told to beat it. The most notable of these include people who offer free six-inch subs in exchange for credit applications, dudes with pizza coupons, a guy handing out delivery menus from a nearby Chinese place, people putting up flyers about living off-campus, and a Mini Cooper patrol car with a huge can of Red Bull on top.

Continued...

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